remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
