I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
