You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
