Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
