My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Randomize
