i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
only if we run a train.
done.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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