Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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