honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize