I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
