peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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