It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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