thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
