Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
