I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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