pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
