Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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