Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
