"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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