it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
