sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
