I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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