you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
she told me i tasted like america
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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