I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
