He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
