Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
