i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
