Got a toothbrush?
hotel room ftw
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Randomize
