You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
