Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize