you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
