The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
