like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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