he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
