fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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