I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
