cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
