I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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