I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
