Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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