is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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