she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
