So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
