Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
