When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
