Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
