Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
