i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Come on in and take your pants off
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