im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize