new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
