There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Randomize
