what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
