hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
