i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize