I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
