There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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