yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
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