Ambien. No doubt about it.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize