Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
