It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
