I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
