.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
