i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
