At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
