did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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