Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
