hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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