I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Randomize
