i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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