im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
