i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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