it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Randomize
