Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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