I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
