wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
honey bunches of taint.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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