the condom got lost in my hair
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
