party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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