Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
