Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Randomize
