Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
