she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
