I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
