Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
