I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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