he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
