I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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