my phone needs a breathalizer
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
