dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
