Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize